So that was February, but this is March

So much has changed since my last two posts. This was not a post I was planning on writing. I was getting excited about doing those weekly updates and documenting my first pregnancy. Unfortunately those posts are not going to happen. 

Two weeks ago, we were snowed in. It was beautiful! 

I was enjoying getting to rest and just take care of the little baby in my tummy. However, we got a little scare one day when I went to take a shower and saw spotting. This lasted a couple of days and then I decided to see my doctor because it was worrying me. I went in that Friday morning and saw our sweet pea! The baby seemed fine and I felt reassured. 

I decided to go on down to Jackson to help my family get ready for a non-profit annual fundraiser party that my aunt is in charge of. We got to meet up with different family members, and I was sharing all my pictures of my little sweet pea. Everyone was so excited for us! 

Throughout the weekend, instead of the spotting getting better, it got worse. I kept taking the time to rest and it would get better, but every time I got up and moved around it got worse. Inside I was very worried, but every one said that it didn't necessarily mean anything bad. 

February was over...now it was March. On Sunday I made it home and just rested. On Monday morning at 4 am I woke up in terror, crying out, "I don't feel pregnant anymore!" Lud thought I was being a little dramatic, and I rallied to reason with myself that everything was okay. I decided to go on to school and throughout the day worried, worried, worried. 

I got an appointment that afternoon. When I went in, we went straight to the ultrasound room. To me, the baby just looked different. It didn't look right. The technician called in the doctor, and he told me what I already knew...he didn't see a heartbeat. He told me that I would have to go to the hospital and get some blood work taken on Monday and Wednesday just to make sure. 

Talk about terrible! That afternoon and the days that followed have been the worst days ever. Having to explain to a lab technician that I'm in the middle of a miscarriage, can they please hurry up and take my blood, is humiliating. 

Thursday was the day we would find out for sure, but let's just say that the classic signs of a miscarriage began before then and yet again, I knew before the doctor could tell me that I was no longer pregnant. He suggested we go ahead and get a d&c that day. I'm glad he did. I've felt so much better (physically) since then. 

We're still struggling emotionally. The "what could have beens" with our loved sweet pea swirl through our minds. For me personally, it's hard knowing what it feels like to be pregnant and for it just to disappear. We loved our sweet pea, and we mourn it(it wasn't even a boy or girl yet), but we trust that God is good all the time. Some people's journey to parenthood is easy, and some people's journeys are more difficult, but in the end, God's promises are good. So, we look forward to those good days!

These past few weeks have been filled with our highest highs and our lowest lows. So many friends and family have been so sweet and loving, and we cherish each person's sweet words.