It's October...

As I enter the month of my first due date, I am devastated. I saw October 1st on my phone, and I felt my heart crumble into a million pieces. All of my worst nightmares have come true...nothing has happened with our adoption and we're not pregnant. For some reason I thought the adoption happening or getting pregnant again would make everything alright. However, I now realize that a pregnancy or biological baby will not take away the pain or replace our baby from Ghana. Nor will our adopted son replace any biological children we have lost.

    In my mind I see our lives as puzzle pieces. Just like Lud's and my puzzle pieces fit together to become a couple and all of our family, friends, jobs, etc. are parts of our puzzle, each one of our babies are unique puzzle pieces that have their own space. We have holes in our puzzle now...some that will be filled eventually, and some that will remain empty. 

    See, I actually was pregnant again....for a few days. I had all the symptoms, and a few days later they disappeared. Emotionally it's been hard, but physically it was much easier since it was so early. We wanted that baby very badly and felt like the statistics were in our favor. I guess it wasn't meant to be, but in my mind and my heart I felt like it was perfect timing. It would have been a May baby.

     So, why am I saying or sharing all this? First, a major part of me feeling better has been to learn that we're not alone in this miscarriage thing. It may feel like we are one in a million because no one on my Facebook seems to miscarry. ;) However, so many people go through this. So, I'm putting it out there to comfort/connect with others. Also, we need your prayer. Pray that we will receive our referral soon. Pray that when we go to the fertility doctor next week, we'll feel that we're going to find some answers. 

     As sad and disappointed as we are, we still acknowledge that God is good. He takes care of us and wants good things for us. We hope that some day He'll give us the desires of our hearts-to be parents. Until then, we have to trust that He is in charge and knows best. I've been repeating Jeremiah 27:11 in my head over and over: 

                  

Thank you for loving and praying for us! 

 

A Little Detour

Well, we recently found out some news that will be a little detour in our adoption journey. 

I'm pregnant! 

Here's our little peanut:

While we knew this was a possibility, it is a complete shock and surprise! We have had this image in our minds of receiving a referral in the next few months. So, to be honest, I've been alternating between extreme joy over the pregnancy and sadness over our adoption being delayed. However, we have been praying for over a year that God would provide us a child in whichever way he sees fit. So, if right now it's biologically, we are wholeheartedly thankful! 

Baby Ludlam will be here in October! What a blessing! I knew 2015 was going to be a good year! 

Long Time, No Update

Well, it's been a little over a year later, and no, we didn't bring a baby home in 2014. It ended up being a year of illness (for me), losing weight (for both of us!), and good family time. But, during 2014 there was really no movement in our adoption. I have to admit, as much as we have tried to trust that everything will happen in God's timing, the wait has gotten difficult. We've had some hard days, especially in the past few months. 

However, things are beginning to warm back up in the adoption process in Ghana. We have seen a referral go out to a family for the first time in 18 months! PLUS- we just found out that we are NEXT in line for a referral for our agency, and they are actively working on finding the perfect match for our family! 

This is my excited face!

Will we get a referral in the next couple of days or weeks? Probably not, but hopefully we will receive it in the upcoming months of 2015. 

Please, please, please pray that they find our child and match us soon. The longer we wait, the older our child grows without his family. We are so thankful to God that he has refreshed us with this exciting news! We really needed it. 

Here's to 2015! Things can only go up from 2014! Ha!

 

Our Call to Adoption Part 2

So, I had wonderful intentions of immediately sitting down to write this, but the past week has been crazy!

Well, in my previous post (Our Call to Adoption Part 1) I ended with Lud and I praying about adopting. Now, 6 months later we are finally ready to start sharing what we've decided to do.

We really feel that God has called us to adopt internationally. A few months ago, I began researching international adoption agencies. We found an agency we really loved (they do mission trips, orphan care, and birth mother education/care in addition to adoption). We filled out a pre-application and according to age and marriage parameters, we qualified for Ethiopia and Bulgaria. For some reason we did not feel a strong pull towards either. Then, a few weeks later the agency announced a pilot program in Ghana. I cannot explain the feeling in my heart.....it was like it jumped out of my chest. ***Rewind to last summer, when I went on a trip with the Wesley Foundation to Rafiki Village, an orphanage, in Ghana. I fell in love with the children there! It is a wonderful, warm, and welcoming country.*** So, I immediately contacted the agency to find out what a pilot program is. A pilot program is like a trial run of a few adoptions for the agency to get a feel for the way the adoption process will work in that country and to give families in the program in the future a time frame of how long the adoption process takes in that country. Only families who have completed an adoption with this agency before could apply and they were only accepting 3 families into the infant pilot program. Obviously we did not fall into that category!

Now, to some this may have seemed like a deterrent or an answer from God telling us that this was a closed door. However, to us, it felt like this pilot program would allow us to watch the adoption process unfold for the pilot families and it would give us time to save up some money. Also, I am working on my Masters in Elementary Education degree while working full-time and hope to be done with that in mid-2013. We hope that the pilot adoptions will be completed with those sweet babies at home by the end of this year. If everything works out the way we are praying, then we would officially begin applying for the program in early 2013. *Talk about God's perfect timing!*

So, where does that leave us in the adoption process? We are waiting before we even begin waiting for a precious baby from Ghana! We hope you will join us in praying for the families in the pilot program. We are praying that God provides funds for them and a clear path to their children. Also, please pray for us as we prepare our hearts for this journey.

Our Call to Adoption Part 1

After Lud and I were married we knew we had several years until we wanted to start a family. We also knew our family would hopefully include adopted and biological children. My dad was adopted as an infant, and my grandparents are the most loving, wonderful parents any child could ask for. I've always been inspired to adopt by the fact that for us there was never a difference between my mom's biological parents and my dad's adopted parents. They were my grandparents. Period.

Last year I began reading a few blogs, and on one blog I saw the story of a family's adoption. Every since then I have followed many families' adoption journeys. Even though I felt a strong tug towards adoption, I continued to feel that we would adopt eventually, but not right now. However, one morning in November everything changed. I was getting ready for school when I truly felt I heard God's voice calling us to adopt. And not in the far away future! I heard God telling me to begin the journey NOW. I asked God "Now?!? Right now, when we're not planning on having kids, I'm pursuing my masters, and we have nothing saved for it?!?" Then I heard the words, "Have faith. It's a faith journey."

Wow! I was so scared and yet felt a jittery, genuine excitement I had not had in a very long time. Lud was still asleep and I was running late for school so I didn't tell him right then. I thought about it alllllll day long at school. I had no idea how Lud would take it. I got home and could barely contain myself, but I waited until supper to tell him. I think I caught him a little off-guard! Lud also wants to adopt, but didn't know if right now was the right time. However, he does want to be faithful to God's call. So, we began praying for God to give Lud the same conviction that we should start the adoption process.

To be continued......

Welcome!

Welcome to our blog! As an elementary school teacher needing to grade some papers, I don't have much time to update today. Look forward to my post on our thoughts and journey to adoption in the near future!